The Destination Matters Too

There’s a misconception people sometimes have about goals that’s captured in the saying:

“It's not the destination, it's the journey.”

First, the grain of truth:

It’s true that people often put off their own happiness until they achieve some long-term goal. An artist might toil away with great frustration for years in hopes of creating a masterpiece. Or in pursuit of money, a businessman might neglect their friends and family. Or a college student seeking straight A’s might spend all their time studying in their dorm, missing out on making lasting connections with others.

In cases like this, people get so tunnel-visioned that they forget to nourish the parts of themselves that crave rest, companionship, laughter and the other things that make life enjoyable. To the extent that people are making this mistake, it’s worth reminding them that the journey matters too.

That said, I think when people use this as their North Star, they risk making a different sort of mistake: Thinking the destination doesn’t matter at all.

Sometimes people come to believe that a goal isn’t worth striving for because it would be uncomfortable or effortful. They think that the journey is all that matters, so the prospects of an unpleasant journey deters them from pursuing those destinations. But those are often the goals most worth striving for!

Many accomplishments require hundreds or thousands of hours of work. They involve setbacks. They risk your reputation, your livelihood, and your peace of mind. And sometimes, that's ok! You shouldn’t “sour grapes” yourself into devaluing a goal merely because it’s hard.

Enjoying the journey (because I have no other option).

An example: The search for a cure for cancer will inevitably involve a lot of technical work that doesn’t spark joy. Filling pipettes, writing grant applications, arguing with critics. Maybe none of that will be fun. But that hardly implies that curing cancer is worthless.

That’s an extreme example. But I think people sometimes implicitly make a similar sort of mistake. Consider this passage from the popular author Oliver Burkeman:

“[In] focusing so hard on instrumentalizing their time, [rich people] end up treating their lives in the present moment as nothing but a vehicle in which to travel toward a future state of happiness. And so their days are sapped of meaning, even as their bank balances increase.”

What he’s describing is... having a job—exchanging your time for money. And this, for Burkeman, is problematic because it involves deferring your happiness to a later date.

But there’s nothing wrong with planning for a “future state of happiness”! Of course, you don’t want to defer and defer forever, but hardly anyone actually does. Most people do in fact relax on weekends, go on vacations, and enjoy their retirement. And usually, having the financial stability to do this requires sometimes delaying your gratification, working a job that’s sometimes unpleasant.

In short, Burkeman’s mistake is in thinking the journey is all that matters. He focuses so heavily on encouraging people to “live in the present” that he neglects goals that would require some temporary sacrifices.

Maybe on reflection some goals require sacrifices that aren’t worth it for you personally. It would be perfectly reasonable to not pursue those opportunities. What’s unreasonable is giving up on the future altogether. Yes, the journey matters, but the destination matters too.